twenty nine,,, (life)

this morning, at about 10:03 eastern time, i turned 29.

twenty-nine years,,, they've gone by so fast, truthfully, and only seem to be speeding up.

my beautiful mother told me i didn't cry when i was born, that i filled my lungs with air for the first time with wide, open eyes.

today, 29 years later, my eyes are wide and open, still, and i want to tell you why.


the richness of life, the juice of it, is underneath its skin. a skin that, as you grow, you discover is often hard and inedible, even thorny.

i have seen people i have loved and grown up with, in response to those thorns, close, burying the soft richness of themselves beneath thick layers of veneer.

our fears and pains at times overwhelm us and we shut our eyes tight, cling desperately to the idea that what we cannot see does not affect us,,,

but it does, my friends, it does.


our vision is vital to who we are, defining our entire experience of life. closing ourselves off from that gift paralyzes the heart.

who do we fall in love with? who would we give everything to? to the ones who give us the simple and rare gift of being seen. our vision is inextricably tied with the heart, with our remarkable ability to both give and receive love.

life is a mix of the most beautiful and the most heartbreaking things you can imagine. yes, closing your eyes will keep you from having to witness the most heartbreaking, but it will keep you from breathing in the most beautiful, too.

it is too high a cost.

the people around us deserve to be seen; their precious, one-of-a-kind faces, their expressions, the gift of their presence, the parts they play, the music they make with the rhythms of their life that no one else could ever replace,,, no one.

and the seeing of them is a privilege we cannot afford to take lightly. think of the ones you love the most,,, what would you trade for all they have taught you, all they have given? what greater gift can be given than the sharing of a life?


my eyes are open, beautiful friends, not because i am stronger or wiser than anyone else, not because my life is absent of challenge and heartbreak.

my eyes are open simply because i choose for them to not stay closed. to open them again, even when i fail, even when it hurts to, even when it's easier to seek that familiar lonely darkness.

i have seen the incalculable beauty that flows out of a human-being in waves, when they give the true gift of themselves,,, the way such courage sings to everything around them, in a language older than fear,,, the way walls become doors, just to feel that song move through them.

i have seen it, and i cannot forget it.

there is no way to measure what can come from truly seeing, truly loving just one person well. even when we fail, even when it hurts, even when it's easier to go running back to that familiar lonely darkness.

i believe the love in us is greater than its lack. i'm betting this life on it.

see you soon, beautiful friends,,,

jesh *